Coping with emotional blackmail

In conjunction with the Counselling & Wellness Week 2022, UTAR Sungai Long Campus Counselling & Guidance Unit (CGU) organised a series of webinars.

With the aim to create awareness among UTAR students and staff on the importance of psychological well-being and physical healthiness, one of the webinars titled “How to Cope with Emotional Blackmail 如何觉察及处理关系中的情绪勒索陷阱” was held on 10 June 2022 via Microsoft Teams. Invited to conduct the talk was Counselling & Guidance Unit Counsellor Ng Wan Fern.

The webinar saw Ng explaining the definition of emotional blackmail; examples of emotional blackmail; the signs of emotional blackmail; the impacts of emotional blackmail; the types of emotional blackmail; the ways to cope with emotional blackmail and others.

Ng during the webinar

Ng kick-started the webinar by explaining the definition of emotional blackmail, provided by Susan Forward, who is a psychotherapist and a bestselling author. According to Susan Forward, emotional blackmail typically involves two people who have established personal or intimate relationships such as parent and child, spouses, siblings, or two close friends.

Ng said, “Emotional blackmail takes place when the people in your life use fear, obligation and guilt in the relationships to control, manipulate and threaten you to earn your agreement. It is a powerful form of manipulation. It often takes place when people close to us threaten to punish us for not doing what they want.”

“Emotional blackmailers know how much we value our relationship with them,” she added. Ng also emphasised, “The person who is acting in a controlling way often wants something from the other person, for example, they want to feel loved, valuable, appreciated, needed, etc.”

Ng concluded her webinar by advising the participants, “If you're dealing with emotional blackmail, it is likely that you are feeling frustrated and trapped, but things can get better! Once you recognise the signs of emotional blackmail, you can set boundaries and confront the person. If the person is a loving one, you can learn to stop their pattern of manipulation.”

The webinar came to an end with a Q&A session and a group photography session.

 

Third row, second from right: Ng with participants